segunda-feira, 16 de julho de 2007

VACAS-FRIAS

Em um desses memoráveis churrascos no Sul, onde se reencontram velhos amigos, bois e vacas em volta da churrasqueira, exercendo o “canibalismo” sem a mínima dose de culpa, estavam a comentar sobre a recente separação de um casal de nossas relações pessoais, que apesar de convidados ao evento, lá não deram o ar da graça. Dentre as mais variadas especulações sobre a causa determinante da aludida separação bovina, foram de imediato descartadas as hipóteses tidas como as mais comuns: um outro boi, ou uma outra vaca, estranhos a relação do casal, "pulada de cerca", infidelidade bovina, incompatibilidade de gênios, não adaptação dos bois a rotina de um casamento, etc. Mas eis, que não mais do que de repente, um certo- boi, lá pelas tantas, arriscou um palpite inusitado, que chamou a atenção de todo o rebanho canibal. Ele simplesmente bradou em alto e bom tom: - Gente, vocês ainda não se deram conta de que eles se separaram, simplesmente porque a VACA era FRIA! Tal revelação, inesperada de imediato, gerou por certo uma inquietude e desconfiança dentre os participantes do churrasco, mas afinal, como poderia abalizar tal boi, com precisão de detalhe, uma circunstância, digamos assim tão íntima e pessoal dos bois recém-separandos. E, eu como VACA que sou não pude deixar de me conter e questionei o tal boi, sobre o que ele considerava ser uma VACA FRIA. E o boi então, dando ares de pouco a vontade começou de imediato a se explicar:

Ora, DM, uma VACA-FRIA, eu diria que se trata de uma VACA, não muito chegada à
“amorcegamentos bovinos” (juro, apesar do vinho, eu ainda estava sóbria, sendo esta a correta expressão que eu ouvi), uma vaca que não externa manifestações de carinho e afeto, uma vaca-direta e objetiva, uma vaca que não é “caliente” (sim, se ele a chamava de fria, quente é que não podia ser), e convenhamos em um inverno rigoroso destes, nenhum um BOI, agüenta uma companheira de rebanho nessas condições. Ademais, uma VACA tipo FRIA, não REALIZA BOI nenhum. Sem querer parecer indelicada, e talvez até tendo sido, botei literalmente o “boi-na-parede”: - Mas afinal, todas essas características de uma VACA do tipo POLAR, tal qual por ti tão “bem” conceituada e definida, vocês bois identificam simplesmente a “olho-nú”? O cara já impertigado, diante do meu questionário de vaca inquisitório, limitou-se a me responder com um lacônico. SIM, e de imediato mudou estrategicamente de assunto.

Não pude deixar de tecer maliciosas elocubrações sobre o tema, e evidentemente sobre o tal boi-falante e a vaca-separanda. Tanto conhecimento de causa, assim, não me soou muito bem. Mas fiquei matutando com meus botões de vaca questionadora, será que os BOIS são mesmo capazes de avaliar uma VACA como FRIA, sem haverem tido qualquer contato físico e direto com uma determinada VACA?

Ou será que necessariamente uma vaca precisa aparentar fisicamente exalar lascívia e áurea sedutora, para não ser taxada, simplesmente de uma VACA-FRIA?

E será ainda que uma VACA é aparentemente FRIA, porque simplesmente o BOI com quem se relacionou se mostrou um incompetente, no leito do curral?

Contrariamente as teses de tal boi, se é que se limitaram somente as “teses”, lembrei de meu avô, que sempre comparava VACAS que aparentavam uma certa assexualidade e serenidade com o velho dito popular: “As águas paradas, costumam ser as mais profundas”!

Pois nesse ponto, tenho que concordar com o velho: VAQUINHAS com fachada de “paradonas” e tranqüilas , às vezes escondem dentro de si verdadeiros furações e terremotos. Sendo certo, que as aparências enganam e muito, em especial aos BOVINOS que se julgam muito “EXPERTS” no assunto !
Por isso GURIZES, lamento, mas para mim, não existem VACAS-FRIAS, muito menos as detectáveis nessa condição, a OLHO-NÚ, existe sim incompetência-bovina-masculina, porque um boi ou touro competente, derrete qualquer geleira ou iceberg!
Portanto, se aprumem BOVINOS!

79 Comentários:

Blogger AP disse...

Querida... Será que a vaca não foi consderada fria simplesmente por ter dito não ao cara? Já vi isso acontecer... Outra, quando não gosto de uma pessoa subo em um pedestal de princesa, distante e inatingível. É a minha proteção. Ela pode ser assim também... O fato é que esse cara é extremamente deselegante e merece um big MUUU!
Agora, a pergunta que não quer calar... Amorcegamento é transar de cabeça pra baixo??? rs
Sábio conselho: aprumem-se, meninos!

16 de julho de 2007 16:29  
Blogger DM disse...

Ah Sei lá AP, gaúchos tem um dialeto diferente, to meio desatualizada ... Pensando bem, talvez "amorcegamento" poderia até ser uma nova modalidade do vulgarmente conhecido 69 ! Será ? Bom,, eu já tava no terceiro cálice de vinho, mas assim mesmo, eu ouvi amorcegamento !!!!

Beijos, saudades !!!

16 de julho de 2007 16:48  
Blogger AP disse...

Vai saber, né?

Beijos querida, estou com saudades também!

16 de julho de 2007 16:53  
Blogger Juliana Melo disse...

Eu já ri tanto com esse texto...ahahahahha. Não to conseguindo ficar séria...hahaha.
Olha, já ouvi falar sim em vacas-frias e quem me contou a respeito foi a própria vaca-fria. Só que essa não era casada. Ela simplesmente disse não gostar de nenhum tipo de "amorcegamento" e não sabia o que fazer com o novo namorado, pq não tinha idéia de como administrar esse "probleminha". Eu to rindo, mas o tal problema é sério. Ela não sabe dar prazer pq nunca sentiu e faz o negócio meio mecanizado.....enfim....deixa quieto. Esse boi do churrasco foi indelicado, mas deve ter namorado alguém parecido com essa minha amiga vaca-fria.
Sim, obrigada pela visita lá no Blog....valeu pelos recadinhos.
Bjos e sucesso.

16 de julho de 2007 17:40  
Blogger André L. Soares disse...

Boa noite! Abordagem muito interessante e ousada. Depois voltarei para ler mais. Estou dando um ‘passeio geral’ pelos blogs relacionados à literatura, principalmente poesia e prosa. Gostei muito do seu blog. Quero que meu blog esteja aí entre 'os preferidos das vacas'. Vou adicioná-lo ao meu blog, bem como favoritá-lo no ‘blogblogs’, para que possa visitá-lo mais vezes. Quando puder, visite também meu blog, no endereço: [ http://poemasdeandreluis.blogspot.com ]. Sinta-se à vontade... a casa é sua,... e, gostando,... por favor, também adicione meu blog e ao seu ‘blogblogs’, ‘techinorati’ etc. Vamos tentar ampliar a rede de intercâmbio artístico-cultural, influenciando-nos e aprendendo mutuamente. Grande abraço!

16 de julho de 2007 17:57  
Blogger DM disse...

Obrigada pelos comentários !
Que bom que você riu a beça, Juliana, mas o assunto é sério !
André: As vacas certamente passarão pelo seu blog!

See you, virtualmente falando!

16 de julho de 2007 18:11  
Anonymous Beth disse...

Só de olhar o tal encontro de carnívoros já fiquei enjoada.

Vaca Fria? Não será que o boi era ausente de conhecimentos preliminares? Ahhhhh .... fácil culpar a vaca. Sempre é culpa da vaca.

16 de julho de 2007 20:29  
Blogger AP disse...

Ah, a Beth disse tudo...

16 de julho de 2007 23:36  
Blogger Wolverine Logan disse...

"Amorcegamento" não é uma expressão de todo desconhecida pra mim, só conheci duas pessoas com coragem de usar este termo de gosto tão duvidoso, não sei e ai no Rio Grande vai ter o mesmo significado, mas nas poucas vezes que ouvi o termo podia-se deduzir pelo contexto que se referia não só ao que se pode fazer pendurado no teto de cabeça para baixo, mas ao coito, cópula, sexo , trepada, transa, chinelada, foda ou qualquer atividade lúbrica, voluptuosa, lasciva, sensual, libidinosa, luxuriante, libertinagem, safadeza, cabritismo, etc. Quanto ao macho identificar a olho-nu que a fêmea (VACA ou não) é "FRIA" esta é a maior piada que já ouvi, salvo o fato de terem desenvolvido por ai um tipo de super-poder, como uma espécie de visão de Raio-X para a libido feminina, que eu ainda desconheço. Nós machos gostamos de (na verdade mais que isso precisamos!!) acreditar que sabemos tudo de mulher, de como deixa-las louquinhas, que somos "os tais" de armadura reluzente e tudo mais, é um teatro eu faço que te engano e você faz que acredita, mas pelo amor de Deus não estragar a farsa porque deste delicado equilíbrio dependem muitas coisas, até um bom "Amorcegamento".

Vou publicar este comentário também no meu blog e colocar um link para quem quiser conferir o "VACA-FRIA".

17 de julho de 2007 02:50  
Blogger AP disse...

Ah, pra que perdermos tempo levantando hipóteses... Pergunte ao Wolverine! rs rs rs!

Bem-vindo, Wolverine, adorei sua visita e imagino que minha amiga DM também. Beijos e volte sempre!

17 de julho de 2007 07:42  
Blogger Eu e Ela disse...

mulheres frias........ sinceramente não acredito que exista, salvo as com problemas patologicos ou traumas.
Tenho duas amigas uma um aparente vulcão e outra bem recata, o que se chamaria de mulher fria, e a recatada tem tido bem mais sucesso nas suas conquistas enquanto a vulcão é chamada nos bastidosres de mulher coca-cola, só tem pressão. que ela nunca leia este post!!!
Mas vaca joga muito, as vezes é mais facil ser fria e fazer com que o boi parta pra outra, do que se debulhar em explicações para dizer que não quer mais, eu mesmo ja fiz isso, inclusive tal boi até hoje tenta desvendar o misterio dessa frieza.
Boi tem que ter pegada, pra mim não rola fazer o boi me esquentar.
Agora, esse boi em questão não deve ter percebido os motivos da frieza da vaquinha, que deve ter passado dias e noites desejando um boi mais suculento.......
Bjs

17 de julho de 2007 12:37  
Blogger AP disse...

Sábias palavras... Pegada é tudo... Já pensei em escrever sobre isso, vou escrever sobre isso... Mas pegada não é exatamente um conceito fácil de definir.

17 de julho de 2007 14:25  
Blogger DM disse...

Por essas e por outras queridas que acho invariavelmente as vacas mais espertas que os bois, mas não entendo porque o mundo é dominado pelos bois ... Estou sempre comparando eles aos Estados Unidos, a maior potência na Terra, como eles conseguem? Se todos os americanos, são invarialvelmente uns "babacas" !!!!

Adorei a palavra "pegada" ! Vou deixar essa para você AP ...

Beijos,

PS:Hoje estou literalmente uma "vaca-fria", mas só porque continua muito frio por aqui mesmo !!!!

17 de julho de 2007 16:05  
Blogger AP disse...

Querida,

Tem ameriicano que não é babaca... Não dá para confundir governo com povo, né?

Ah, SIM, vacas são mais expertas... Cow power!

Acho que pegada é palavra mais ou menos recente...

Guria, vinho e chimarrão pra te esquentar!

Beijos!

17 de julho de 2007 16:12  
Blogger DM disse...

AP, por evidente que me referi, mais ao governo que ao povo americano. Mas amiga, os que conheci, pelo amor de Deus, todos uns babacas !

17 de julho de 2007 16:42  
Blogger AP disse...

Insisto em não generalizar... Conheci uns babacas, outros muito legais. Como brasileiros nem sempre são malandros, ou argentinos nem sempre são chatos, ou franceses nem sempre são grosseiros... Beijos, beijos, beijos!

17 de julho de 2007 16:47  
Blogger AP disse...

Mas... o assunto era o que, mesmo? rs

17 de julho de 2007 16:48  
Anonymous 1ª Lady Newton disse...

Meninas,
Somente hj fui ler este texto tão ricamente escrito.

A verdade é que os homens tem uma certa necessidade de parecer sabedores de tudo! Este, com certeza, não sabia de nada, e acho que até teria uma certa atração pela vaca citada como VACA-FRIA e provavelmente não tinha coragem de aborda-la (pelo teor de suas "abordagens" imagina-se que o VACO (minha roda de amigas os chama de VACOS)não tem muito sucesso com elas...

Beijo grande
Continuam lindaaas!

19 de julho de 2007 08:46  
Blogger AP disse...

Lady (já estou íntima, né? ;-), também prefiro a palavra Vaco... Bois são mansos... Mas meu pai dizia: Quem desdenha quer comprar... Concordo com você, esse cara me soa como se quisesse a tal vaquinha...

19 de julho de 2007 08:50  
Anonymous 1ª Lady Newton disse...

Ai Aninha...ele queria sim.
Sou capaz de dar minha "pata de vaca" direita se ele não queria mesmo....

Keep walking

PS: Pode ficar íntima babe, na verdade eu tb me sinto intima de vcs, pois acho q dá pra conhecer um pouquinho de cada uma com seus textos... E to adorando conhece-las!

Pena q não sei administrar blogs*

19 de julho de 2007 10:51  
Blogger AP disse...

Lady querida, engraçado como a gente se aproxima das pessoas assim, virtualmente, não é? Sou fascinada com essa internet e a forma como ela une as pessoas... Pro bem e pro mau... rs

Não me diga que não sabe administrar um blog! Eu também não! rs rs rs! Mas queria tanto um, que fiz, na cara de pau. De vez em quando faço besteira, peço ajuda... Sempre tem alguém para ajudar. Então, faça um blog, sim. Seus comentários são bem legais, ia ser ótimo. E se precisar de ajuda, estou aqui, tá?

19 de julho de 2007 11:09  
Anonymous 1ª Lady Newton disse...

YES! YES!

Gracias, mesmo Aninha!
Vamos ver se crio vergonha e faço um tb!

Mas vcs mandam tão bem q acho q vou só continuar nos comments...

Com meu chefinho ausente, to lendo o blog quase todo. De vcs e da Fabi!

19 de julho de 2007 12:00  
Blogger AP disse...

(Ai, meu mau com u, do último comentário está doendo até agora! rs)
Um viva para os chefinhos ausentes!

Você manda bem nos comentários. É divertida, inteligente, escreve bem e tem um nick fantástico! O dia que escrever um blog vou pedir para ser madrinha! Beijos!

19 de julho de 2007 12:06  
Anonymous 1ª Lady Newton disse...

Fechado!

Serás minha Dinda!

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